how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
