there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
