just tell him i said nine months
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
foreskin is a definite game changer
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
