I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
We were destined to go to rehab together
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
