I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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