Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
