Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
