uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
