Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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