Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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