1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
