I'm lost and stupid without you.
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
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