We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
