Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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