goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
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