i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
