i already hear my dad disowning me
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Randomize
