i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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