I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
