i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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