I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
