I'm so fucking centered right now
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
They left me at home... I'm a liability
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
