Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
