Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
