When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
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