there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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