So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
