I love black thongs
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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