i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
