youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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