My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Randomize
