Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
