dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
