dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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