'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
