He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
