We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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