I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
