so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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