if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
