We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize