I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Randomize
