I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
