Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
