you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
