I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
