OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
