Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
