Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
