Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Randomize
