the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.