you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
25 Men Talk About the First Time They Went Down On A Woman
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
23 Ex Fraternity Brothers & Sorority Sisters Confess Their Most Insane Stories
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher