I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.