i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait