Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know