No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
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He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
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If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????