I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Drunk is not a location!
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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