She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
