Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
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