When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
