I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
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Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
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We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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