How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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