its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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