i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
